Don't Limit Yourself!

Hi peeps,

It has been a busy month, as you may have guessed from the shortage of blog posts.  However, fortunately, busy can be good.  A lot of people are initiating new coaching contracts which has been keeping me hopping (special thanks to the new clients of Coaching Ottawa).

However, over the course of the last month I have notices a theme that has been repeating itself over and over; people defining themselves.  It is for that reason I thought I would do a post on self-definition.  If I am seeing a lot of it in my business, I thought you may be interested in the topic.

We all define ourselves. I do it and so does everybody I have ever met.  For example; I am a Canadian, I am a husband, I am a Life Coach, etc. and these are not inherently bad definitions, as long as I can appreciate them for what they are...labels.  Unfortunately, we tend to want to attribute characteristics to any label, allowing us to stereotype anything that has the same label.  It is a life long challenge to remind ourselves that we should not make assumptions based on labels.

I hope that the majority of us see our inclination to stereotype, but the news is full of examples of people who discriminate against others due characteristics they attribute to a given label.  Sometimes it is a racial label, a gender label, a religious label, a label of sexual orientation, political beliefs, eating habits or any other host of labels.  In the end, people attribute characteristics to other individuals because of a label, and that is both wrong and irresponsible.

  

However, it is not just others we discriminate against, we also discriminate against ourselves.  We label ourselves and then set limitations for ourselves based on those labels. Even worse, we justify our actions based on those labels. Some of those labels are pretty damning and can really mess with how we see ourselves:

• I am fat
• I am a procrastinator 
• I am cynical
• I am lazy
• I am messy
• I am selfish
• I am shy
• I am pessimistic... and the list goes on.

So are those things true? No!  You may have acted that way in the past... You may even have an inclination to act in a certain way because that is what you have always done... but what you have done or what you are doing is not who you are.

Let's try looking at the labels above and reword them so as to describe what they are, a series descriptions of past activities..

• In the past I have not had a very healthy eating and exercising regime, resulting in weight gain.
• In the past I have not been proactive, often delaying action until it was absolutely necessary.
• In the past I have chosen to expect the worst from life and people.
• In the past I have not acted very ambitiously.
• In the past I have not kept my things very organized and/or tidy.
• In the past I have not shown much empathy towards others.
• In the past I have not been very comfortable meeting people.
• In the past I have not chosen to be optimistic.

So, what is the difference?  Well, the difference is that the first list is a description of who a person is, the second list is what they have done.  People believe they cannot change who they are, but they can change their choices.  For example, if I am a fat person, I might as well eat the cheesecake, it isn't going to matter anyways.  However, if I have made bad eating choices in the past and I want to do better, I should avoid that cheesecake.  The same can be said for every item on the list...  try going back through the lists and adding the phrase "but tomorrow I will do better".  It becomes obvious very quickly that when we label ourselves it is harder to move forward than when we label our actions.

So, we are not perfect, that makes us human... but we can do better than we have done in the past. That is why we must try to avoid creating labels for ourselves (or anyone else).  Labels only serve to limit people, and as I point out on a regular basis on the Coaching Ottawa Twitter account the sky is not the limit.

Don't see limits, see opportunities for growth!

If you need help with this, or any other obstacles you are facing, there are lots of coaches out there willing to help... 

Have a great week everybody,

Dave

Thank You For Your Patience

Hi,

It has been a while, hasn't it?  Sorry about that. Life sometimes has some really difficult moments, and the last month has been one for me.  My mother is still in the hospital and will be for many months.  I have been back on the east coast over the past month visiting her, and I am glad I did.  Even though I couldn't help her get better, it mattered for me, because it mattered to her, and family comes first.

Obviously, it is hard to see anyone suffering.  That is even more true when it is someone you love.  So, I appreciate your patience as I have been away dealing with a very difficult situation.  I also appreciate the patience and the kind wishes of my clients at Coaching Ottawa who have kindly supported my time away.

That having been said, one of the more difficult parts of life is that we must move forward, even when we are going through an emotionally difficult situation.  For me, a great way to deal with difficult situations is to change life a bit. So, that is what I have focused on this past week, changing things up.

Well, when my wife wants a change, she changes her hair colour. I am not really into dying my hair, so instead I shaved off my beard (yes, the photo on my website is no longer a good representation of me). Given that the main reaction so far has been "Why would you do that?", maybe the look is not a change for the better.  But it was a change, and I needed a change.

Also, I took on a new project this week.  Not a project I was looking for, and not one that will provide me any personal benefit.  However, it is a difficult project and one that someone needs to do. Additionally, once again, I need a change and it met that criteria.

Life is full of challenges, and often we run into situations that we can't fix.  However, there is always something we can change, something we can make better, or at least something we can try to see if it is better.  Often, when we are facing something difficult, it is easier to deal if we are making positive strides in other parts of our life. So, sometimes we move forward in all aspects of our lives, sometimes we don't.  However, we can always make strides in some part of our life.

Effective today, I am getting back to regular weekly posts, and I look forward to sharing the strides I will continue to make (good or bad).  Thank you again for your support and, if you can, tonight hug someone you love,.. nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.

Life willing, see you next week!

Dave

Support

Hi all,

Thanks for all of the views over the last week, I really appreciate it.

Speaking of appreciation, there are a lot of good people in the world and a lot of them want to help. In coaching we often ask clients who (or what) can support them in the achievement of their goals.  What clients often neglect to consider when they have a problem is that they are are not alone.

Actually, a big part of why I love coaching is the gratification I receive from helping people (I hope that is obvious in the photo).  Coaching is all about supporting people through their challenges.  Not doing things for people, but helping them to get the best out of themselves.

I really appreciate my clients, and I like seeing them get ahead. The terrific part of being a coach is that when clients leave sessions, they have generally figured out at least one important change they want to make.  It makes me truly happy, knowing that I was able to ask them the right questions, which in turn allowed them to gain insights into what is important to them.   With coaching, I get to see my clients living more fulfilled lives and I get the satisfaction of knowing that I was a part of that.

OK, enough about coaching... What has me so focused on support this week?  Well, if you read last week, you know I am looking into doing YouTube videos.  Further, as I said, there is a lot to do in advance, lots of research, and lots of things to purchase.  Well, I was quite prepared to go it alone and didn't ask for any help.  However, despite not being asked, my terrific wife got behind me and has been helping me every step of the way this week.

Am I surprised that she is being helpful? No, she is great.  Am I surprised that she proactively started helping on this initiative, Well, yeah, a bit.  YouTube videos are definitely not her thing.  However, she is so supportive you would think it was her idea, as opposed to an expense that will not provide her any personal benefit (and may result in one less purse, lol).

So, even though I regularly ask clients who can help them, sometimes I forget to ask myself.  I also sometimes forget how much a little support can make something more enjoyable.  Everybody, needs a little support sometimes, even if it is just a little encouragement.

I have always been grateful for the support of my wife who saw "potential" in me almost 20 years ago when I had no money and lots of student debt.  I also know my family and friends have my back.  What is easy to forget is that people like to help those that they care about.  It doesn't have to be a matter of life and death before we ask for a helping hand.

In fairness, we are all raised to be independent.  Independence is a great thing.  After all, self motivation is the best kind of motivation.  However, sometimes a little support can make all the difference.  I need to make an effort to remind myself of that more often.

Who can support you?  I would love to hear what you have to say in the comments.