Don't Limit Yourself!

Hi peeps,

It has been a busy month, as you may have guessed from the shortage of blog posts.  However, fortunately, busy can be good.  A lot of people are initiating new coaching contracts which has been keeping me hopping (special thanks to the new clients of Coaching Ottawa).

However, over the course of the last month I have notices a theme that has been repeating itself over and over; people defining themselves.  It is for that reason I thought I would do a post on self-definition.  If I am seeing a lot of it in my business, I thought you may be interested in the topic.

We all define ourselves. I do it and so does everybody I have ever met.  For example; I am a Canadian, I am a husband, I am a Life Coach, etc. and these are not inherently bad definitions, as long as I can appreciate them for what they are...labels.  Unfortunately, we tend to want to attribute characteristics to any label, allowing us to stereotype anything that has the same label.  It is a life long challenge to remind ourselves that we should not make assumptions based on labels.

I hope that the majority of us see our inclination to stereotype, but the news is full of examples of people who discriminate against others due characteristics they attribute to a given label.  Sometimes it is a racial label, a gender label, a religious label, a label of sexual orientation, political beliefs, eating habits or any other host of labels.  In the end, people attribute characteristics to other individuals because of a label, and that is both wrong and irresponsible.

  

However, it is not just others we discriminate against, we also discriminate against ourselves.  We label ourselves and then set limitations for ourselves based on those labels. Even worse, we justify our actions based on those labels. Some of those labels are pretty damning and can really mess with how we see ourselves:

• I am fat
• I am a procrastinator 
• I am cynical
• I am lazy
• I am messy
• I am selfish
• I am shy
• I am pessimistic... and the list goes on.

So are those things true? No!  You may have acted that way in the past... You may even have an inclination to act in a certain way because that is what you have always done... but what you have done or what you are doing is not who you are.

Let's try looking at the labels above and reword them so as to describe what they are, a series descriptions of past activities..

• In the past I have not had a very healthy eating and exercising regime, resulting in weight gain.
• In the past I have not been proactive, often delaying action until it was absolutely necessary.
• In the past I have chosen to expect the worst from life and people.
• In the past I have not acted very ambitiously.
• In the past I have not kept my things very organized and/or tidy.
• In the past I have not shown much empathy towards others.
• In the past I have not been very comfortable meeting people.
• In the past I have not chosen to be optimistic.

So, what is the difference?  Well, the difference is that the first list is a description of who a person is, the second list is what they have done.  People believe they cannot change who they are, but they can change their choices.  For example, if I am a fat person, I might as well eat the cheesecake, it isn't going to matter anyways.  However, if I have made bad eating choices in the past and I want to do better, I should avoid that cheesecake.  The same can be said for every item on the list...  try going back through the lists and adding the phrase "but tomorrow I will do better".  It becomes obvious very quickly that when we label ourselves it is harder to move forward than when we label our actions.

So, we are not perfect, that makes us human... but we can do better than we have done in the past. That is why we must try to avoid creating labels for ourselves (or anyone else).  Labels only serve to limit people, and as I point out on a regular basis on the Coaching Ottawa Twitter account the sky is not the limit.

Don't see limits, see opportunities for growth!

If you need help with this, or any other obstacles you are facing, there are lots of coaches out there willing to help... 

Have a great week everybody,

Dave

Thank You For Your Patience

Hi,

It has been a while, hasn't it?  Sorry about that. Life sometimes has some really difficult moments, and the last month has been one for me.  My mother is still in the hospital and will be for many months.  I have been back on the east coast over the past month visiting her, and I am glad I did.  Even though I couldn't help her get better, it mattered for me, because it mattered to her, and family comes first.

Obviously, it is hard to see anyone suffering.  That is even more true when it is someone you love.  So, I appreciate your patience as I have been away dealing with a very difficult situation.  I also appreciate the patience and the kind wishes of my clients at Coaching Ottawa who have kindly supported my time away.

That having been said, one of the more difficult parts of life is that we must move forward, even when we are going through an emotionally difficult situation.  For me, a great way to deal with difficult situations is to change life a bit. So, that is what I have focused on this past week, changing things up.

Well, when my wife wants a change, she changes her hair colour. I am not really into dying my hair, so instead I shaved off my beard (yes, the photo on my website is no longer a good representation of me). Given that the main reaction so far has been "Why would you do that?", maybe the look is not a change for the better.  But it was a change, and I needed a change.

Also, I took on a new project this week.  Not a project I was looking for, and not one that will provide me any personal benefit.  However, it is a difficult project and one that someone needs to do. Additionally, once again, I need a change and it met that criteria.

Life is full of challenges, and often we run into situations that we can't fix.  However, there is always something we can change, something we can make better, or at least something we can try to see if it is better.  Often, when we are facing something difficult, it is easier to deal if we are making positive strides in other parts of our life. So, sometimes we move forward in all aspects of our lives, sometimes we don't.  However, we can always make strides in some part of our life.

Effective today, I am getting back to regular weekly posts, and I look forward to sharing the strides I will continue to make (good or bad).  Thank you again for your support and, if you can, tonight hug someone you love,.. nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.

Life willing, see you next week!

Dave

Thank you for understanding

Hi folks,

Unfortunately, I will not be posting a blog this week.  I just found out this morning that my mother is in the hospital, and it is quite serious.  Given that, I am not quite myself and not up to blogging today,

Thank you for your understanding,

Dave

Support

Hi all,

Thanks for all of the views over the last week, I really appreciate it.

Speaking of appreciation, there are a lot of good people in the world and a lot of them want to help. In coaching we often ask clients who (or what) can support them in the achievement of their goals.  What clients often neglect to consider when they have a problem is that they are are not alone.

Actually, a big part of why I love coaching is the gratification I receive from helping people (I hope that is obvious in the photo).  Coaching is all about supporting people through their challenges.  Not doing things for people, but helping them to get the best out of themselves.

I really appreciate my clients, and I like seeing them get ahead. The terrific part of being a coach is that when clients leave sessions, they have generally figured out at least one important change they want to make.  It makes me truly happy, knowing that I was able to ask them the right questions, which in turn allowed them to gain insights into what is important to them.   With coaching, I get to see my clients living more fulfilled lives and I get the satisfaction of knowing that I was a part of that.

OK, enough about coaching... What has me so focused on support this week?  Well, if you read last week, you know I am looking into doing YouTube videos.  Further, as I said, there is a lot to do in advance, lots of research, and lots of things to purchase.  Well, I was quite prepared to go it alone and didn't ask for any help.  However, despite not being asked, my terrific wife got behind me and has been helping me every step of the way this week.

Am I surprised that she is being helpful? No, she is great.  Am I surprised that she proactively started helping on this initiative, Well, yeah, a bit.  YouTube videos are definitely not her thing.  However, she is so supportive you would think it was her idea, as opposed to an expense that will not provide her any personal benefit (and may result in one less purse, lol).

So, even though I regularly ask clients who can help them, sometimes I forget to ask myself.  I also sometimes forget how much a little support can make something more enjoyable.  Everybody, needs a little support sometimes, even if it is just a little encouragement.

I have always been grateful for the support of my wife who saw "potential" in me almost 20 years ago when I had no money and lots of student debt.  I also know my family and friends have my back.  What is easy to forget is that people like to help those that they care about.  It doesn't have to be a matter of life and death before we ask for a helping hand.

In fairness, we are all raised to be independent.  Independence is a great thing.  After all, self motivation is the best kind of motivation.  However, sometimes a little support can make all the difference.  I need to make an effort to remind myself of that more often.

Who can support you?  I would love to hear what you have to say in the comments.

Authenticity

Hi Gang,

So, it has been a great week.  Above and beyond doing what I planned, I started looking into YouTube videos.  I had an idea about posting funny videos about coaching (yes, coaching can be funny).

So, what do you think were the first reactions of people when I mentioned it?

• YouTube videos are a lot of work!
• YouTube videos are for young people!
• You can't make money with YouTube!
• YouTube is too competitive!
• It costs a lot of money to buy the proper video equipment!

Well, that's an encouraging isn't it? :)

So, what should a person do when faced with such a blunt condemnation of an idea?  Some may think I should listen to my friends and stay away from YouTube.  Well, to me those comments make me think I should start making YouTube videos.

It is perfectly reasonable to think I have faulty logic at this point, but please hear me out.  What were my friends saying when they gave me the feedback above? They were telling me every reason they would not make a video, and for them they were all valid reasons.  However, those are not reasons for me not to do it.  Here, let me break it down:

YouTube videos are a lot of work!  I am aware that they require a lot of effort, but whether it is work or play is all about perspective.  If you enjoy doing something, the time and effort devoted to a project do not really qualify as work.  To put it into perspective, to make a video would be fun for me, play time, if you will.  By contrast, going fishing or going shopping for me is work (clearly there are differences between what I enjoy and what another person may enjoy).

YouTube videos are for young people! You can't make money with YouTube! YouTube is too competitive! It costs a lot of money to buy the proper video equipment!

I threw all four of these together, because they are all essentially the same comment, YOU WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY! 

I understand that successful YouTube video makers are typically half my age or less.  Okay, I'm old, I get it, LOL.  However, I would never assume that I am going to make a chart breaking video.  For me, money is not a primary motivator when making a decision.  

When I started coaching, I was already quite successful making a six figure salary in a very safe and stable organization.  If money were a major motivation for me, I would never have considered coaching.  After all, the coaching industry is generally not fiscally advantageous, and is absolutely not safe or stable.  

However, believe it or not, there is more to life than money.  Years ago I had a very enlightening experience when I was on a business trip in Iqaluit, Nunavut.  If you are not aware, that is a community in the far north of Canada (yes, polar bear kinda north).

When I arrived there, I experienced a major cultural clash.  I am of European decent and hold many of the values that go with that.  For example, I believe that getting married and raising children is contingent on making money, so that you can protect and provide for your family. At the time, this seemed like a truth, as opposed to a perspective.

Let me tell you, it became very clear, very quickly, that my views were a perspective, not a truth. In Iqaluit, children belong to the community, as does everything.  If someone has children, the community is expected to watch over them and feed them.  Parents don't need to watch over the children, because someone else will look out for them when the parents aren't around.  If someone has food, other members of the community will walk into that person's house and eat what they like.

Now, I am not saying money should never be a motivator, and despite my northern adventures I am still a big fan of living up to my financial obligations and taking responsibility for my family.  However, unfortunately many people think money is the only important consideration in any decision.

My primary motivation is to help people and relate to people, not become the Justin Bieber... boy is that not my motivation, LOL.  To be true to myself, I need to do what I enjoy, even if that doesn't always result in financial gain. The funny thing is, if someone is doing something they enjoy, often money will follow.   

So, others don't want to make YouTube videos.  That's awesome.  After all, I don't want to die having been just like everyone else.  The point is, I do want to, and if I don't try I am not being authentic to who I am.  

We are all put on this planet with the potential to do something memorable.  It doesn't always have to be grand, but it should be something that is a reflection of who we really are.  Nobody can know what is right for you, except you.  Maybe you would make a great doctor or lawyer or rock star.  No career or project is wrong for you to devote your efforts towards, unless you feel it is wrong for you.  Now, I won't be posting a video right away, because they do take a lot of prep work (I am excited, but not naive)... but I will be posting a video this year.

What thing could you do that would be an authentic expression of who you are? 

Please leave comments.

Failure

Failure, the mere word causes an sickening feeling.

So, this week I failed in grand style!  If you notice, I am writing this on Tuesday, when I normally post on Sunday or Monday. So, failed to be consistent in my blog post.  I also failed on my daily Journal writing this week.  Lastly, I failed on my eating regiment (had Chinese food on a non-cheat day).

Now that is not to say I didn't do some great stuff this week, I did, but in the aspects above I failed.  What caused me to fail so much this week?  I could say I was sick (and boy was I ever sick).  I could say work has been exhausting, and it has been.  In the end, those are excuses, and they are not the reason I failed, I failed because I wasn't determined enough.

So, what benefit is there in telling you this?

Well, coaches are human, and we have bad days, or in this case a bad week.  Heck, some people have bad years.  That is why most coaches have a coach (yes, I have a coach and I also coach other coaches).  The only way we can consistently help our clients to push forward is if we challenge our selves to push forward, having a coach helps with that.  However, like anyone else, if I intend to succeed I will, if I don't have enough determination I will fail.

Well, what about bad luck?  No, not a valid excuse.  Life is full of challenges.   That is no excuse to throw in the towel and give up.  Everyone has good streaks and bad streaks, people that get ahead learn to deal with the bad and derive the most benefit possible out of the good.

So, when anyone faces a bad streak (get sick, business deal goes south, rough week at work, etc.) the best way to deal with it is to push through.  So, am I going to push through?  Well I am posting this, aren't I?  After all, it is human to fail, but to get back on the horse, not everyone does that.

So, tonight I will be writing in my Journal and I will look back over the past week.  In my introspection I will search for ways to improve myself, and grow.  That way, the next time I get sick or have a rough week, I will dig deeper and push harder and be even more determined than I was this week.

Next week, I will be happy to share what happens after a good week, because it will be a good week... I am determined to make it so! :)

What helps you push forward?  Please post your thoughts!

Goals That Work

Hi folks,

Last week I mentioned that my primary objective at this point in my life is to grow my business (Coaching Ottawa), feel free to check out the website.  You will also notice that I call it an objective, and not a goal.  This week I would like to talk about why that is not a very good goal, and what would be a good goal.    

As part of my coaching practice, I hear people say their goal is to become rich.  Others tell me they want to get fit. Still others say they want to be famous.  Great dreams, but not very good goals.

So, what is a goal? What makes a good goal?  How should I start if I want to set my goals?

Well, ideally I want to start with a dream.  However, I don't want to start with just any dream, Also, I don't want to start with more than one dream.

Okay, so what if I want to be rich, fit and famous?  There are people that have all of that, right?  Why should I restrict myself?

Fair point, they are all good dreams, and each can be achieved.  They can even all be achieved by the same person. Better yet, they can all be worked on at the same time.  However, I really want to pick my number one dream right now,  a dream that will inspire me to push past the obstacles in life that will inevitably pop up. So, the statements above (be famous, be rich, get fit or grow a business) may be great dreams, but only if they will inspire someone to push past the obstacles of life.

Why?  Well, sooner or later there are going to be conflicts.  eventually (and probably on a regular basis) I am going to have to make a choice between two conflicting dreams.  If I don't have a clear #1, I will likely choose based on each individual situation, and slow down my growth on all dreams because I am inconsistent in my decision making.

Won't all of these dreams complement each other? Well, no, not all of the time.  Every dream a person peruses takes time and resources away from the other dreams.  So, if my #1 is to be fit, I should spend more time and money on exercising and managing my eating habits.  If my #1 is to be famous, I need to devote my time and resources to getting my name out.  If my #1 is to be rich, I need to put all of my time and resources towards getting more money.  There are only so many hours in a week and people have limited resources, so I need to be clear as to where I am going to focus.  Especially when there are so many other things in life that can zap time and resources if a person is not focused (family, friends, work entertainment, etc.).

Okay, we need to pick a dream, I think I have beaten that dead horse (looking at it now, that is a really terrible expression).  OK, getting back on topic, I had said my dream was to grow my business... right?  But I also said that wasn't a good goal. Why?

A goal should be measurable (yes, there I go again with the measuring), a goal should be achievable (but push limits) and it should have a clear time-frame.  So, what is wrong with growing my business being my goal? Can't I measure and achieve that?

Well... yes... but... when will I have achieved it?  If I earn one more dollar, have I grown my business? yes.  If I get 1 more client have I grown my business? Yes.  See why this dream and not a goal?

So measurable... attain 2 new coaching clients and 3 new training clients for myself.  Can I measure that? Yup.  Can I achieve it?  Yes, I certainly can.  Does it push my limits? well that depends on the time-frame...

OK let's try again... attain 2 new coaching clients and 3 new training clients for myself by September 2016.  Well, that is better isn't it... A coach doesn't typically have more than 10 or 12 clients at a time, so 2 new coaching clients is a big deal.  Training takes a lot of preparation, so 3 more clients is also a big deal.  To do both before September is going to reasonably push my limits, but it is still achievable.

Now that is one goal, if I want to achieve my dream, will that be enough? No, probably not.  I am probably going to want to write some longer term goals in several areas... hire X employees by the end of 2017, grow revenues by X% each year, increase profit margins by X% over the next 3 years, etc.  All of these goals are measurable and potentially achievable with specific time-frames.

Also, I may want to have some shorter term goals, which we saw last week:

- I will write in my journal daily
- I will update my agenda and review it at least twice a day
- I will post a blog article at least once a week, which is also a great way to track my progress

Notice, they are all goals that are measurable with a clear time-frame (do activity X daily, twice a day or weekly), and, so far, they have been achievable (lol).

The same goal setting process can be done for any dream, just remember you need to have a clear #1.

Has this been helpful?  Do you have any comments?  Did I miss anything that you think is important? Please share your thoughts.  Have a great week everyone!